Relationships are usually sweet and exciting at first and it is evident in the behavioural changes one undergoes. I am sure if you analyse your behavioural patterns when you “fell head over heels”, you will remember the anxiety, the rapid heartbeats, the late nights staying up on the phone saying “nothing”, the constant WhatsApp messages, the fantasies, you will realize that it is always perfect at first. Well it is all good and well at first but what happens months down the line? What happens when the relationship becomes “boring”? Is it that we get complacent and see no need for the big fanfare and the constant WhatsApp messages and no need for the romantic dates any more? Or it is that we become comfortable within ourselves around our significant others and just rather to be ourselves? Which is it?
Let’s dive right into this issue head-on!
The issue that affects most relationships is the fact that the relationship usually starts on a perfected level and then things become “normal” which usually results in the toning down of romantic dates, the constant messages and calls.
Let’s tackle this issue from both sexes.
Let’s take it first from a man’s perspective. Men don’t necessarily think that because they, at the inception, were formal and “wined and dined” the females, that it was all a pretence. Generally, people are usually formal in speech and behaviour and it is surely not expected that one would read their autobiography on the first date. What the females are complaining about, the males see it as something good. It is not really that they go complacent on the romance; it is just that they reach a level where they don’t have to be all formal but can display another side – friendship. It shouldn’t be discounted however, that there are some men out there who after several weeks of romance, transforms into complacent lovers. These men go out of their way to impress the female and after they establish a relationship, the passion is at a standstill.
What we must all be aware of is that relationship is like farming – you must plant to reap. It is a job! If you don’t work for it, you won’t be rewarded. While I hold the perspective of a man respectable and solid, there is twist to this.
Let’s go to the female’s perspective.
From a female, it is a bit different as it juxtaposes the male’s perspective. Most females desire and crave romance. They want to be “wined and dined” and get their daily calls and messages about how beautiful they are right through the relationship. I did a little case study and found that this ideal is derived from the media and here lies the MAJOR problem. Most females complained that the initial stages were always perfect as the males were attentive, romantic and extremely caring. After several weeks, all the acts of kindness vanished and what they received was a complacent partner and relationship.
A very close friend of mine shared how she kept her love-life intact. Her partner is known to like certain food and as such she would occasionally prepare a romantic dinner for two and as a result, the act of kindness would be reciprocated.
Personally, I think that there are some men out there who will do anything to get between the legs of a woman and I also believe that there are some women out there who have some impossible ideals of how a man should relate and treat them. To the males who are running a sexual marathon using charm and kindness, GROW UP and quit playing games. Women are treasures and should be treated accordingly. To the women, please stop using the media to measure how you should you be treated. The media is a means of entertainment as half the things you see portrayed in the media never really equates or reflects human affairs. So please stop with the list of standards your man should have. Yes, he may have from the get-go treated you like the Queen you are and a few months down the line, like a friend. See that as a BLESSING and stop complaining and see the positive light – he now sees you as a part of him and this is because he now finds comfort and trust in you.
However, if you desire to rake up the leaves of love again in your relationship or keep the fire going, I recommend this!
1. Spend time to know each other inside-out. Spend time to know the person’s background, their likes and dislikes because the butterflies will die and you will need this knowledge to rekindle the romance.
2. Spend time apart! When you are always around someone, it makes you a bit complacent and it can get dangerous because you can find yourself taking your significant other for granted. Hang out with your friends and family. Have a space between the two entities.
3. Do small acts of gratitude and kindness. For example, men if you know your lady loves chocolate, get her some occasionally, send a bouquet, some chocolate with a nice necklace at work – surprise her! Women, spice it up in the bedroom. Call him over to talk and when he gets through the door, showcase your sexuality, cook your man a romantic meal – get creative!
4. Realize that no one is perfect so we will become complacent at some point in the relationship. However, don’t sit in complacency! The moment you find yourself sitting in complacency for too long, drag yourself out of it!
Relationships should be nurtured and treasured and the best way to establish this is to build it on trust and ultimately love. Stop complaining and be grateful for the person you share your life with. If you feel like your relationship is complacent, change it! Life is about choice.
CHOOSE TO LOVE!