Trust is extremely imperative in ALL relationships! It is often quoted that once trust is gone, it is foolish to think you can win that person back. But if trust is examined deeper,it will be realized that trust rely heavily on forgiveness and forgiveness is difficult to exercise when someone betrayed you in an intimate way. Often times, mistakes are made ad it is not intentional and we have to turn to forgiveness. But how far can we stretch forgiveness when someone keeps making the same mistakes – keep lying and betraying?
You be the judge.
Most grateful you have return to the scene (great job with your articles!). I have a story to share. I was seeing someone for two years and we were having some real major issues as most relationships are right now. As you know, all relationship starts out perfect and then go flat and to be honest that is okay with me as I am conscious that nothing is perfect and this is not fairytale but reality. However, after five months, I realized that his habits started to change as he no longer had time to take me out on dates or even to visit me frequently as he initially did. I am not one to complain so I kept my mouth closed and observed. I decided that since I gave this man my life as I wanted to marry him, I was going to do some undercover CIA on him.
I trailed him Kes one evening when he told me he had a late meeting and to my surprise (I warn all women who do investigations to have a strong heart as you may encounter a revelation you might regret), I saw him with a woman and a young child but that was no evidence of him cheating. So I trailed them by driving in a cab. Then I saw him drove into a yard and I heard the little boy called him daddy. So now, I knew he was definitely seeing another woman. But, a kid calling him daddy didn’t mean he was the father so I decided to trail him again but this time one early morning. He dropped the boy off at a Day-Care. Kes, please don’t judge me but I went in after he left and queried about the man that dropped the boy and found out he was actually the father. I wasn’t going to say anything but I couldn’t keep it in as I wasted my years on this liar and so I reacted in violence one night.
I told him that he betrayed me as I also found out that he was seeing this woman for our entire relationship. I told him it wouldn’t work for us because as far as I knew it, he was evil and I can’t trust him after something like that. I told him it was over for me and he should stay with his other woman and be happy. I thought that was it for me as clearly I wasn’t good enough for him to be faithful to. I cried for days, I was so hurt and bitter within for men.
After several weeks, he kept stalking me by showing up at my workplace, sending gifts and calling me non-stop. He kept begging for me to rethink my decision and give him another chance. I thought about it but I just couldn’t bring myself to allow him in my life again with such a secret. One night, I said to myself, “You know what, I am going to forgive him, no one is perfect” and I did exactly that. Things were going well for several months as I forced myself to trust him until one night I am at home with him just relaxing and watching a movie then I got a phone call asking me my name. So I said to the person that they should know who they calling for and I hung up in frustration. The phone rang again and when I answered it this time, the person said my name, she told me her name and that she was married to the man that was in my bed and had not one but three children with him and she is now pregnant.
I was so shock that Kes, I went to the kitchen and grab the biggest knife. I swear I was ready to distribute his body to the morgue and myself to prison. He asked me what the problem was when he saw how furious I was and that I had a knife. I told him to get out my house. He begged and plea for me to hear him out and I tried to but I couldn’t stand to hear another excuse so I ran him out my house in a screaming match. I asked myself this question, “How could I have been such a fool?” I mean my grandmother thought me this proverbs “take sleep and mark death” which simply means, when someone shows you who they are, believe them. For me, without trust, there is no love and no relationship. Trust is everything. I think people need to stop lying and be straight-up because if you tell one lie, you better know you going to lie a hundred more to cover it and you better remember lie #40. So why bother lie? It is too much work. I learn a lesson from that experience, when someone slip once, give them an opportunity to fix it but when they slip twice, let them go! Life is too short to be playing games. People need to understand that!
Personally, I think trust like CC, is everything! And people need to know that although there is forgiveness, trust should not be taken for granted and treated like an unimportant factor as it the most important. Trust is the foundation of the very relationship you have with God. For God to really move within your life, you must believe which means you must trust. He made it clear how important faith is because without it, nothing is possible. You have to trust God when He speaks and acts for His will to be manifested. So it is with the relationships we share among ourselves, we must realize that trust is important, very!
If you find that people don’t trust you, I urge you to get yourself some integrity and start anew. Rebuild your reputation by simply being honest with yourself and with others. Dismiss lies from your life and be straight-up!