Are you frustrated at the constant debate matches and screaming concerts between you and your partner?
Guaranteed to improve your relationship!
In relationships, there will always be disagreements as no two individuals on the face of this earth are alike.
We may have similar personality traits but we certainly don’t share the same same outlook on life. For this reason, we can’t expect to see eye-to-eye on all issues life throws. However, when there is constant arguing within any relationship, it is time to fix it or dismiss it.
Let us proceed with a story-line and I will leave you to ponder the real problem.
Kenya craved love and needed it as she grew up in a community of strict poverty where she witnessed prostitution; drug trafficking, violence and abuse. She was not foreign to abuse as her parents abandon her and she was left to live with strangers who abused her for years both physically and mentally. However, when she met Ryan, she decided to give the opportunity to mend her brokenness. Every day spent with him was her sanctuary as he would offer her daily love messages, calls and even kisses. He made all the effort to be at her beck and call and every effort to keep her smiling. He loved her to the core of his soul and wouldn’t wrapped his mind around the madness of another man wanting to hurt a soul so gentle. She was comforted and secured until one late night while lying in his arms, she saw a message that changed everything.
“Baby,” Kenya called, “I just saw this message on your phone”.
“Let me see that,” Ryan responded as he took the phone from her hand and glanced at it. By the expression shown, she knew he knew exactly who it was.
“Who is it, Ryan?”
“Baby, it is no one”
“Who is it!?” she asked but this time in total anger. He looked at her as he sat up in the bed. He noticed her tone, her body language and he knew, he was about to be slaughtered like a lamb. Ryan thought to himself that if he told her, she would assumed he is still involved but if he told her nothing, the argument would quickly dissolved. He took the second option.
“Baby, it is a friend, just a friend”
“Female?” she asked as he nodded in agreement. “So tell me who is she and why is she sending you this message at this time in the night?” He rose from the bed. “Did you sleep with her?”
“Why are you asking me this?
“Because, you are lying!” she cried.
Months passed and she decided to overlook what happened and she tried to understand why he withheld information from her. It was his past but she wanted him to be honest at all times even it meant her feelings being hurt and even if it was something that happened years ago. Kenya had some extremely painful and bad experiences with men she loved as she was betrayed and even received physical attacks from these men she was involved with.
She swore she would never give another man a chance to her heart but later found that her heart gave itself to Ryan without a fight. One night he was sleeping and she saw that he was lying on his phone and took it up. She is not one to invade others’ privacy but when she looked and saw that it was unlock, she followed her insecurities and searched. She saw pictures of him and this female taken over a year back. She saw the date so she knew it was before he started to date her but somehow she wondered why he had the pictures. As the phone slipped through her hands, her heart immediately froze.The phone hit the ground and splattered. He woke and saw her with silent tears before him.
Have you located the problem yet?
The number one factor that is destroying relationships is FEAR!
With fear, comes insecurity, mistrust, paranoia and stress.
Recognize that fear is only your imagination. You must ACCEPT that fear is not of God and you must dismiss it immediately from your mind. To be very frank whether you sit and worry over something won’t change anything. If you want to change something, you must do something. So to rid yourself of the fear you must accept that it is not real! If you look closely at the story-line above, you will see that it was fear that caused Kenya to go searching for a problem when there existed none. He lied to her but he wasn’t cheating as she had no evidence of him cheating. He had pictures but it could be an oversight or just nothing. She went searching for trouble and this is what starts most arguments within relationships. Now regarding the pictures, let’s say she stumbled on it one day should she asked for a call from his phone, all she could do is ask a question and share concerns. Relationships are made simple. It is us complicated beings who make things complex. If you don’t like something about your partner or what he/she is doing, just simple tell the person, not in a condescending way but a respectful manner.
LOVE. The Bible quoted that fear is not of God as God is love and love casts out all fears!!!Now many may ask what love is. I will share with you, in my opinion what love is (you don’t have to agree).
Love is sacrifice – not to kill yourself but to be there for someone at all cost, catering to their needs and putting them first. How do I know this? God is love and He showed this by sending Jesus Christ His ONLY son to die for sinners. I am sure it must have hurt God to watch innocent blood, His own blood be put to death but He loved mankind so much, he wanted to save us and so He watched His son took the curse from man by dying on a cross. That is love! Love is not “whatsapping” all day about IMU (I Miss You). It is about giving your soul expecting nothing. Love is security.
Forgive and move on. In the story above, you see Kenya going through Ryan’s phone because she hasn’t forgiven him. She went digging because she wanted something of evidence to see if she should actually trust him or not. This is WRONG. When you forgive someone, forget it. I know it is easier said than done but in order to rid yourself of baggage, it takes hard work. You have to forgive and leave it alone. Don’t go searching for evidence. Just LET IT GO! Practice to love those who hate you. Articles written will inform you that forgiveness is not about the other person but forgiveness is for both you and the other person(s). It frees malice and strife and encourages peace and ultimately love.
In order for your relationship to be at peace, when there is an argument – don’t allow fear to rob you of love but destroy fear by implementing love within your relationship. It is okay to say “I am sorry” and mean it. Stop the arguing and fix it by loving each other.
Don’t end it, fix it – let’s work towards the days when people were committed.