Relationship goes in strides and it is best you know this fact, accept this fact and deal with this fact.
Relationship is not completely about the butterflies and the romance, people will get on each other’s nerves and people will argue. We are humans and so it is innate that we are imperfect. With that fact established, it is perfectly okay to resent.
I was counselling a female some time ago who shared with me how her relationship unfolded from being a fairy-tale to misery. She informed me of how her relationship from the conception was initially perfect. She described how he treated her like a Queen and how she treated him like a King.
A year after, without been aware, her partner was facing some financial crisis. He is not one to vent his issues and he surely didn’t want her to be involved in such a matter. He had incurred a debt of millions as he was repaying a car loan, was paying her tuition for college and paying mortgage for an apartment he resided in. His salary collapsed and so it spilled over in how he related to her. He became angry at her over small matters, he neglected her emotionally and even physically and she concluded based upon his resentment, and that her guy was seeing another woman and so she decided to end up in the arms of another man and that she did. Her problem was resentment. She didn’t understand that how a man thinks is quite different than that of a woman especially when it comes on to financial issues. Women, men don’t desire to sit and cry about their problems and you need to get it straight especially about money. She wasn’t aware and so I made it clear that she shouldn’t blame herself for being ignorant to his financial situation. However, she was wrong by construing that he was unfaithful and because she was convinced of this belief, she acted by executing the very act she wrongfully accused her partner.
Everything about this situation is messy and to be quite honest, very deploring.
First thing, the guy is resenting her! This is what you do ladies when someone resents you – depending on personalities, you either give them space to think and come forth with whatever is bothering him or you be there for your guy by offering comfort not digging away at his mental state. Ladies, when your man is resenting you and he is the type of guy to internalize issues, it is best you give him space and let him come to you but don’t question him and his moods. Again, I repeat – don’t ask questions about your man’s mood. Gentlemen, most women are emotional so please derail in your head the notion of ALL women being emotional. Again, depending on your woman’s personality, if she is the emotional type and is in a bad mood, don’t ignore her but console her. Her resentment is a cry for emotional support and even physical touch. If your woman is the type to internalize things, give her space to think. She doesn’t want you to crowd her and if you crowd her, guaranteed she will snap at you. The reason why we are having these major issues in relationship building is simply because we crowd each other’s mind and body. You must remind yourself that though you are in a commitment circle, you are also a person with his/her life to live and so it is okay to resent because within resentment, you tap into your own life, you learn to be at peace with you and most importantly you learn to be alone. I must add that being alone is not as depressive as it is portrayed in the media. Being alone helps you to be with another. In being alone, you learn to appreciate people and their efforts in your life because people don’t have to be around and with you, it is actually a privilege. Being alone makes this evident. Ladies, because your man doesn’t hug you or kiss you like he initially did, it doesn’t mean he loves you any less or he is cheating. Life happens. You need to understand that external factor DO play a role in your relationship as it shapes it. Therefore, you have to learn your partner’s personality to effectively deal with issues as they arise because issues WILL!
So the next time, your partner resents you, don’t ride off in the sunset with a camouflage lover but rather stick it out and ride the waves with a true love. Healthy relationships are hard to cultivate but if you desire it, it can be your reality.