Why YOU Should Avoid going on BREAKS!

There is no such thing as the perfect relationship and the perfect man or woman. We are human beings and as such, we will slip, we will make mistakes, we will disagree and even fight because we are imperfect beings with emotions that fluctuate with life. With that fact established, when problems arise in your relationship, don’t you dare go on a break. Breaks in a relationship are not only a bandage to the real wounds but it is also the first step to an actual breakup.

It is understood that when in a committed relationship, things can become monotonous and when this happens, space is required and that is perfectly normal and acceptable because we need space to live our own lives although in a relationship and yes we also need space to be autonomous. What is totally unacceptable is when there is an issue and we jump the guns and suddenly a decision is made to go on a break.

This is where the major problem lies because going a break opens the avenue to danger. It motivates infidelity at its core.  I was talking to a colleague of mine some time ago, a female, who had some major issues with her partner. She had a hard time believing that he had a project at work to complete that made him stay out late during the week and absent on the weekends. She decided it was time they separate and explore their options to see if they were really meant to be with each other as she felt extremely uncomfortable with the direction of the relationship. She had major issues trusting men as one of her experiences led to attempted suicide. She met this guy years before the relationship she is presently dealing with, fell in love and ended up ironing his suit to a wedding not knowing it was his. This brought major depression in her life and she tried to kill herself.  Then the trust issue of her past became a major issue in her current relationship. She expressed to me how hurt she was because of her current partner’s neglect and distance towards her and her emotional and physical needs not being met. I explained to her that what she suggested (the break) pushed him further away and it was simply because she refused to believe his side of everything. I must add to this by saying boldly that as women, we tend to jump to conclusions about our partners being unfaithful and this can be a detrimental factor in our relationships. Personally, I believe it is because we were cultured to think this way about the opposite sex as we were taught that ALL MEN ARE DOGS and none should be trusted. This perspective is damaging because not all men are the same and I must add that we do have tons of faithful, decent and handsome men in the world. This notion of men being “dogs” is not only degrading, it is unbecoming and gives the impression of one’s ignorance.

 I recommend, ladies, that you dismiss that belief immediately!
Now back to the situation – she refused to sit and really flesh out her insecurities because she strongly believed that if she did, he would have took advantage of her and she would end up looking like a fool. I spoke to her on the matter and gave my perspective which was to TALKabout it. She refused and he ended up being with someone who was willing to open not only their emotions but also their bed. Now, my colleague is left in the cold trying to pick up the pieces of a broken heart because she did LOVE this guy with all that was left within her to love.
Here lies the danger in going on breaks. When there is a problem, it is best you sit and talk about it and if needs be, ask your partner for some space to really sort out your mental state, to process what is really happening and to seek practical solutions that can mend what is cracked or broken. But I warn, once you go on a break, it can be the very end of everything. If you and your partner needs counselling, there is absolutely no shame in that! Once, again dismiss the notion that only crazy people go therapy. 
Sometimes you DO need a third party involved to really get to the “meat of the matter”. But whatever you do, fix your relationship because sometimes you desert your relationship thinking that you can find a better love and you end up with zilch. Now, it is possible to find a better love if the partner you are with is not compatible with you. But realize this fact, no one is perfect so whatever is wrong, talk about it and flesh it out. Don’t break or you will break a heart in the process and it could very well be yours.





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