Why You Should Be Careful of What You Share with Your Partner.

There exists a logic that perpetuates that we confess ALL because it is a means to set yourself free and fly. However, it is not completely safe to share all of who you are with someone you are dating. While there are some things that should be put on table from day one, there are some parts of your past that should remain unknown.  You have to reserve a piece of you for you because no man is your God and for that reason, man can and most times, will fail you. 

I will share a little story of someone I met a few months ago and show you exactly why sharing all of who you are with someone can be detrimental.
This young lady was in an abusive relationship for several years. She fell for this supposedly “nice” guy and decided to move into his house after a few months. Things were rosy at first and then his real colours started to reveal its ugly collage. She was punished for talking to even her very family. This man literally had her under lock and key. She was treated like a slave. He wouldn’t date her, wine and dine her, he had her in “chains”.  Over time, she decided to leave and bravely she did. She decided that she wasn’t going to get involved with any man for at least a year to heal from all the wounds incurred from that experience and all the fears she adopted. However, she met a very nice and handsome guy a few months down the line and ended up falling head over heels in love with him. At first, everything was perfect and she thought to herself, maybe I could trust this guy and so she told him her shame-story from her past. He was sympathetic until one night two years after, they had a huge argument and he slapped her, called her all the derogative names her Ex called her and even went to the extreme to say he understood why her Ex used to knock her over.
What did he do? He used her past against her. 
If I should be even more candid, he was worse than the Ex because he knew what it did to her because she trusted him and he used it and suffocated her.
Because someone appears nice and they are nice-looking, it doesn’t mean they are angelic. Now, I am not saying you can’t talk about your past to someone you are dating or about to get married to because surely the person would desire to know who they are actually settling with but I am warning against exposing every detail. People MUST earn the right to hear some parts of your life and even so, you MUST be careful! If you have been in abusive relationship, you can say to the person you are dating, that you were in an abusive relationship but don’t go blabbing off your mouth telling them every detail of every event. You will regret it even though in the moment, they seem sympathetic and angelic. Married folks, I don’t exclude you. You too need to be 100% honest with your spouse but at the same time, understand that the same shame-story you share will later come to haunt you when there is a disagreement/argument.

You must be honest with your partner about who you are and where you came from because this person is trusting you and giving you all they really have – their time. SO YES honesty is imperative. However, there are some experiences like the one above that is worth burning. Yes it is okay to say you have had this experience and should the person ask you to share, it is also okay and within your rights to say I rather not. You can say NO. It is not that you are keeping secrets, it is that you desire some parts of your life to be with you and God ALONE!  Even Jesus withheld information and it wasn’t because He is conniving but it is because there were things that surpassed humans and their thought processes and He would be judged too early had He shared certain information and God’s Will would have been jilted and for that reason, He remained silent on some things about who He was, who God was and Heaven. One example of Jesus withholding information can be seen in the times He spent with His Disciples. For example, He kept prophesying when He was among His Disciples that one would betray Him and one would deny Him and even when the Disciples were puzzled and asked that He reveal who would do such a thing, He reserved His comments.  He could reveal who it was but sometimes it is best you touch the surface and leave the deep. You must understand that you are an autonomous being and for that reason, you are in your rightful place to protect you and your life.

Remember this is life and people are not perfect so BE CAREFUL!

One thought on “Why You Should Be Careful of What You Share with Your Partner.

  1. André O. Brown says:

    It is valuable to learn to be careful about who you bare your soul to. However the example you cited says more about the guy than about that girl. Perhaps she needs to look into why she is attracted to abusive men. However, don't blame what he did on what she shared. Even if she did not share her past experience, the second guy's true colours would have shine forth eventually. He may not have had intimate knowledge of her past to use as ammunition, but he still would have hurt her none the less.

    I once wrote on this topic: http://www.andreobrown.com/2012/04/learning-wrong-lesson.html

    And even though I advocate for openness and honesty, I recognise that it is hard and often fraught with pain.


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