It is often quoted that forgiveness is not for the other party but for yourself. I strongly disagree. If we look deeper into that quote, you will see selfishness at the core. Forgiveness is not something you do to set yourself free, you do it because no one is perfect and it offers you a perspective other than your own to see things from an angle which allows you to understand someone and why they did what they did. Some acts done by persons are incredibly evil and some intentionally designed to destroy another person for example rape. There is no excuse or apologies that can gloss the issue but once the victim decides to be the “bigger” person and move past it, which is where the reward is, they will feel at peace with self and even with the offender. Yes forgiveness does offer freedom but it also enables your love within. Below are reasons why you should forgive and further below are steps outline on how to forgive despite the degree of act done to you or against you.
Reasons why YOU SHOULD forgive:
- 1. You are NOT perfect and because of this fact, you are prone to messed up or make mistakes that can and will affect others.
- 2. Sometimes the offender is not aware that you, the “offendee”, is hurt by what was said or done.
- 3. Forgiveness brings peace and ultimately add to your health.
- 4. Forgiveness opens the truth of love. When you forgive an act that really hurt you, you really are displaying love. To forgive is not easy but the one who forgives showcase God’s love just as He did and still doing for our sins.
- 5. God rewards a person who is quick to forgive and quick to love.
5 POWERFUL Steps on How to Forgive & Let It GO!
Forgiveness is a process. If it is rushed or one step is overlooked or not treated with importance, it will lose its effect. You must invest in forgiveness to reap its reward – love. God demonstrated this by atoning our sins when Jesus was sacrificed. Jesus was our forgiveness. God expects us to love and within this love, He expects us to forgive each other.
Here are the steps to activate forgiveness:
Step 1: VENT. Vent about it, well… vent to God about it as venting to the one who offended you will cause more harm than good. So get on your knees or even when you are showering or cooking, talk to God about how you really feel about the person and what they did. This is confronting the issue with God and with yourself.
Step 2: REFLECT. Reflect on all the things you have done in the past that offended others, some I am positive, weren’t intentional but it did hurt. You desired them to understand your mistakes and even overlook them by forgiving you. In essence, “Do unto to others as you would have them do unto you”.
Step 3: RE-CONCILIATE. Make peace with yourself on the matter. Simply decide to use humility because no one is perfect and put yourself in the person’s shoe and try to understand their stance.
Step 4: CONFRONT. Confront the individual who offended you. Sometimes the person who offended you are not aware of the issue or the extent to which the issue affected you. For something to be fixed, it must be acknowledged that it is broken. So talk to the person. DO NOT VENT! I repeat, DO NOT VENT! Talk to the person and let them know that what they said or did, offended you. Then LISTEN to their reason(s). If, for whatever reason(s) you disagree, state it respectfully.
Step 5: RESOLVE. In order to prevent future re-occurrence, come to some formal or informal agreement.
PS. If you forgive someone several times for the same offence, you need to break the cycle as it could be the individual is taking your open-heart for granted. Simply cut yourself lose from that individual.